a holiday bark foursome

I'm alive! 

It's been forever and a day since I've posted a recipe on here and before I waltz back into the room unannounced, let me explain. Soooo.... college. Yeah, it's absolutely miserable right now. My Thanksgiving break was insane, considering that I was pretty much in charge of the whole Thanksgiving dinner and cleaning my totally destroyed kitchen. On top of that, all of my friends were home and I went overboard on making up for the past 4 months of extremely limited social interaction. If that wasn't enough, I have a theory that all of my professors met and divulged a plan to assign every single paper and project due the following week, obviously in an effort to make my life a living hell because they have some sort of personal vendetta against me. 

Peppermint Bark - the classic.

So no, I haven't just disappeared and been laying in bed this whole time, checked out from the world. (Oh God, how I wish that was the case.) I've been living the past two weeks of finals on edge, having panic attacks in the middle of the library, bullshitting my final papers, and avoiding studying at all costs. Needless to say, it's been rough a few weeks. But alas, I've survived and only two finals are separating me from my Christmas break. 

Cranberry & Pistachio Bark with Mini White Chocolate Chips because why not! 

It's been really upsetting, because Christmas is totally my thing. When I say that I have actually cried because it wasn't Christmas, I'm not lying. (Yes, I really am that overdramatic in real life too.) The worst part about all of this? I've had multiple Christmas-themed recipes photographed and waiting to be posted since Thanksgiving, but no time to sit down and actually post them. You know what that means? It's gonna get all types of Christmassy up in here until the 25th. 

Gingerbread Man Bark — crushed gingersnaps, gumdrops, red hots, and extra Christmas sprinkles!

For some reason, people always ask me for bark recipes around the holidays. (I wonder why anybody would want chocolate right now? Crazy people!) As much as I want to be the sarcastic asshole that I sometimes am and say something along the lines of "you do know that chocolate bark is literally just melted chocolate with random things from your pantry thrown on top of it," I restrain myself. To make up for my sassiness (or maybe just reinforce it), I'm providing not one, but four different recipes for literally just melted chocolate with not-so-random things from your pantry thrown on top of it. 

Enjoy! 

Hot Cocoa Bark — milk chocolate, mini marshmallows, white chocolate chips, hot cocoa dust

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Peppermint Bark 

• 12 oz dark chocolate, chopped
• 12 oz white chocolate, chopped 
• 1 tsp. peppermint extract
• 6 candy canes, crushed

Directions  

In a microwave, heat the dark chocolate in 30 second intervals, stirring in between, until smooth. Pour the melted dark chocolate onto a sheet pan lined with wax paper and refrigerate until set, about 30 minutes.

Melt the white chocolate using the same heating process. Once melted, mix in the peppermint extract and stir to combine. Pour the melted white chocolate over the dark chocolate layer. Top with crushed candy canes. Return to fridge to set before breaking into pieces to serve. 

White Chocolate Gingerbread Bark

• 12 oz white chocolate, chopped
• 6 gingersnap cookies, crushed 
• red hots
• gumdrops, cut in half
• christmas sprinkles!

Directions

In a microwave, heat the white chocolate in 30 second intervals, stirring in between, until smooth. Pour the melted chocolate onto a sheet pan lined with wax paper and cover with the crushed gingersnaps, red hots, gumdrops, and sprinkles. Refrigerate until set. 

Hot COCOA BARK 

• 12 oz milk chocolate, chopped
• 1/4 cup mini marshmallows
• 1 tablespoon hot cocoa mix 
• mini white chocolate chips (optional)

DIRECTIONS

In a microwave, heat the milk chocolate in 30 second intervals, stirring in between, until smooth. Pour the melted chocolate onto a sheet pan lined with wax paper and cover with the mini marshmallows and white chocolate chips. Sprinkle the bark with the hot cocoa mix. Refrigerate until set. 

Cranberry Pistachio Chocolate Bark 

• 12 oz milk chocolate, chopped
• 1/4 cup dried cranberries
• 1/4 cup roasted salted pistachios
• mini white chocolate chips (optional)

Directions

In a microwave, heat the milk chocolate in 30 second intervals, stirring in between, until smooth. Pour the melted chocolate onto a sheet pan lined with wax paper and cover with toppings. Refrigerate until set. 

Dark Chocolate, Pistachio, and Cherry Granola (+ a giveaway!)

Let's talk about Izy. 

If you're not familiar with Top With Cinnamon, I'm feeling terribly sorry for you right about now. Izy's blog is preeeeettty badass. (Okay, much more than just pretty badass, it's totally, absolutely, one hundred percent badder than all of the asses ever. Including Kim and Nicki and Iggy and J.Lo's.) Izy's also British.... and I have this fantasy that if/when I ever meet her IRL, I'll instantly objectify her accent (out of pure love) and probably hound her about whether or not she knows a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend who knows a One Direction boy. 
Best of all, Izy's freaking EIGHTEEN and just released the most equally as badass cookbook!!! File under: life goals slash productive-things-I-could-have-been-doing-at-18-but-I-was-too-busy-doing-this. 

I bought Izy's book, Top With Cinnamon, on my trip to New York and spent the whole three hour flight home reading and rereading each and every recipe until I forced myself to call for more blue chips out of pure hangry rage. (Thanks jetBlue, you are bae.) Seriously y'all, this cookbook is LEGIT. The pictures. The words. The food. THE EVERYTHING. I keep it out in my kitchen to flip through it whenever I need some inspiration or try to figure out what an 'aubergine' is. Spoiler alert: it's an eggplant. 

I love Izy's book so so so much, that I'm giving away a copy today! You can enter through the widget below and by commenting on this post telling about one of your personal favorite cookbooks. I want to hear all about the ones that you swear by, because that's exactly how I feel about Top With Cinnamon. (This is in no way sponsored, I'm just a really excited fangirl.) 

The cookbook is full of so many amazing recipes. Luckily for me, it's pretty sweet heavy, but there's a good chunk of savory in there too — I like to call this real food, pre-dessert. No but really, I would do naughty things to this halloumi, quinoa and pomegranate salad, y'all.

I'm not the biggest breakfast person, but Izy's granola recipe got me hooked on having a supercute yogurt parfait almost every morning before school because it's that damn good. Screw all of the oven madness, her granola is made by toasting oats and almonds on your stovetop for a hot minute, mixing in some coconut oil and a natural sweetener like agave or honey, et voila! Granola in ten minutes flat. After making her original mixture, I used that same process and made my own wintery mix, complete with pistachios, dried cherries, and chopped dark chocolate because chocolate for breakfast is the ultimate morning win. Cop the recipe below and I'm sure you'll be joining me in my usual granola happy dance I do every morning. 

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Dark Chocolate, Pistachio, and Cherry Granola 

(adapted from Top With Cinnamon) 

• 2 cups old-fashioned oats
• 1/2 cup roasted salted pistachios, coarsely chopped
• 3 tablespoons coconut oil
• 3 tablespoons agave nectar or honey 
• 1 tablespoon chia seeds (optional, but #health) 
• 1/2 cup dried cherries, chopped
• half a bar (1.75 oz or 50g) quality dark chocolate, chopped

Directions

Place the oats and chopped pistachios into a pan. Toast over high heat for for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Make a well in the center of the pan and add in the coconut oil and agave. Stir until the whole mixture is evenly coated. 

Remove the pan from heat and let the granola cool for 5-10 minutes. Once slightly cool, add the chia seeds, dried cherries, and dark chocolate. Stir the mixture quickly to combine. (The chocolate will begin to melt, but this coats the granola with extra chocolatey flavor.) Once thoroughly mixed, serve the granola or transfer to a tightly-sealed container to store. 

Satsuma Dark Chocolate Tart

So it's November? It seems like just yesterday I was making my yearly list of resolutions and all that jazz and BAM — we're back in the holidays! Now that Halloween is out of the way, we can focus on Christmas. And trust me, I've been feeling the Christmas spirit for weeks now. (#MariahCarey) Yeah, I know I'm just a little bit premature, but Christmas is my favorite thing ever and we all know that Thanksgiving is just Christmas Lite, so I will listen to all of the Destiny's Child Christmas I want. 

Alas, y'all probably all think I'm crazy for pulling out the peppermint extract this early, so I'll give into November-ness for now. (Three weeks from now, that'll be a different story. You've been warned.) Aside from Thanksgiving and all of pre-Christmas hype, November is pretty damn great. The nights are darker, the air is considerably colder, I can wear scarves and coats without sweating to death. 

Here in Louisiana, November is also pretty damn great considering that the local satsuma trees are bursting with fruits just reaching maximum deliciousness. In case you're unfamiliar with satsumas, they're a deliciously petite citrus with an easy peel, much like a tangerine. Satsumas are native to Japan, but have made their way stateside via California and the Gulf Coast. 

Though they've got pretty great snacking potential, satsumas are perfect for baking. Last year, I made a satsuma yogurt cake that's as simple as it is delicious. This year, I wanted to try something a little bit different. After juggling between a few crazy options, I settled on a classic chocolate tart, but infused it with Bayou Rum's new satsuma blend and ensured that there would be plenty of zest action going on. Encased in a gingersnap crust and topped with a satsuma and black pepper whipped cream, this tart is perfectly balanced between rich and chocolatey, and sweet and well, tart. 

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Satsuma Dark Chocolate Tart

(recipe adapted from smitten kitchen)

for the gingersnap crust: 

• 8 ounces gingersnap cookies, processed into fine crumbs 
• 1/2 stick unsalted butter, melted

for the chocolate filling:

• 12 oz. bittersweet chocolate, chopped into chunks
• 1 cup heavy cream 
• 2 large egg yolks
• 1 large egg
• 1/4 cup sugar 
• 1 tablespoon all purpose flour
• 1/8 tsp. black pepper
• pinch of salt
• 1/4 tsp. cinnamon 
• 2 tsp. satsuma zest
• 3 tablespoons Bayou satsuma rum 

for the satsuma whipped cream: 

• 1 cup heavy cream
• 2 satsumas, juiced and zested
• 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
• pinch of black pepper
• sugar, to taste

Directions: 

In a medium bowl, combine the melted butter and crushed gingersnaps well. Press the crust mixture into the bottom and sides of the tart pan. Set aside.

In a saucepan, cook the chocolate and heavy cream over low heat. Once the chocolate hasmelted and combined to form a ganache, remove from heat. In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs, sugar, flour, pepper, salt, and cinnamon until combined. Gradually add the chocolate mixture, whisking to ensure that the eggs won't cook. Once the chocolate mixture is fully combined with the egg mixture, add the satsuma zest and rum. Pour filling into the prepared crust and bake for 30 minutes at 325. Once done, remove from the oven, cool in the pan for 20 minutes, then remove from the tart pan and serve at room temperature. 

To make the whipped cream, combine all ingredients and mix until soft peaks form.